Golden Swine Awarded To New Popped Collar Record Holder
05/08/2008
If you had hopes of claiming the ultimate douche bag title this year, you're going to have to step up your game. Twenty three popped collars is the number to beat. Just don't plan on doing any demanding physical activities—like breathing—while you're suited up. Read More
Posted in Apparel | Permalink
Make English America's "Offical" Language
05/07/2008
Time to send Grandma back to Mexico. 'Nuff said. Read More
Posted in Politics | Permalink
Tom Cruise: Behind The Glasses
05/07/2008
We're all familiar with Tom Cruise. Hell, we've probably watched Far and Away at least twice. But who is T.C. the man? Is he a mere mortal, or a thetan—that's an immortal spiritual being for all you non-believer non-Scientologists—who posses an incredible amount of poise and grace on the big screen? We might never know. But what we do know right now is that T.C. h ... Read More
Posted in World Wide Web, Entertainment | Permalink
Don't Let This Guy Near Your Pussy
05/06/2008
Ok, you can cross this dude off of your list of eccentric people you might want to become friends with. Last Saturday officers arrived at Michael Parnell's—a.k.a. Michael Vondueren—to find a butt ton of cats and Parnell's 81 year-old mother inside. They also found three freezers full of dead cats. 300 hundred of them. It's not yet clear what Parnell planned on doi ... Read More
Posted in News | Permalink
Cannonball Restoration Can Be A Lethal Hobby
05/05/2008
America's deadliest war got a little deadlier this past February. Sam White, a Civil War fanatic, blew himself up while restoring excavated ordinance in his driveway, raising the Civil War's casualty count by +1, and ensuring the war's continued position at the top of the America's deadliest wars leader board. Read More
Posted in News | Permalink
"The Ramp"
05/02/2008
It's the biggest thing that has ever happened to the small Bavarian town of Oberphaffelbachen... Read More
Posted in TV/Film, Science/Technology | Permalink
Obese Man Tips Scales Of Justice
05/02/2008
The New York Supreme Court held session in a parking lot outside of the courthouse on Tuesday in order to accommodate an unusually large defendant. Weighing in at over 500 pounds, a music shop owner accused of selling counterfeit guitars was arraigned from the back of a pickup truck because he couldn't physically get into the courtroom. Bail was set at 1,000 pizzas. Read More
Posted in News | Permalink
The Colossal Squid Thaw
05/01/2008
In January of 2007, fisherman off the coast of Antarctica hauled in a barely alive, 1000-pound Colossal Squid. The 25-foot long squid is the largest specimen ever to cross paths with humans, though apparently these suckers can grow to a length of over 45 feet. Since its scientific appropriation at the Te Papa Institute in New Zealand, the beast has been preserved on ... Read More
Posted in Science/Technology | Permalink
Heated Lesbian v. Lesbian Action In Greek Court
05/01/2008
Inhabitants of the Greek island Lesbos, known as Lesbians, are taking the Homosexual and Lesbian Community of Greece to court for their use of the term "lesbian." It seems Lesbians are getting sick and tired of being mistaken for lesbians, and they will stop at nothing to stop lesbians from calling themselves lesbian. Lesbian Dimitris Lambrou, one of the plaintiffs ... Read More
Posted in News | Permalink
Wormwood Doesn't Make You Hallucinate - It Just Gets You Drunk
04/30/2008
Or so say the findings of a team of German scientists with their recent paper in the Journal of Agriculture and Food Chemistry. The green, anise-flavored liquor previously thought to be hallucinogenic turns out to simply be a stiff drink. It's back to the drawing tables for Marilyn Manson! His Mansinthe absinthe can't really be as gothically potent as he claims but if ... Read More
