TV Land will never be the same without you Estelle Getty.

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Nothing says summer like a day at the velodrome. With fast bikes and faster babes, it's totally the place to hang out during the warmer months. One gear is more than enough...

Give it to the man! Apparently, there was a 10-year-old kid in the cab along with his dad. What's he thinking right now? Coolest dad ever! It's kind of like?but way better?the time our Dad said, "don't tell Mom!" and then pulled a u-turn over the highway median. Yeah, dads can be pretty cool sometimes.

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Sadly, all brothers aren't created equal. In fact, sometimes one of them is really talented and the other one is the opposite of really talented. It looks like Thom Yorke got the gene that makes you sing well and have a lazy eye, while his brother, Andy did not. Jealous Andy?

We thought reality television was supposed to bring people together...

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Westinghouse Electric Company is building dozens and dozens of nuclear power plants all over the world and they need you, Craigslist prowler, to work for them. Westinghouse Electric Company also posted this missed connection: Cute Brunette Outside Reactor Room 4?you looked so cute even though you were vomiting blood and your hair was coming out in clumps. Wish I'd had the nerve to talk to you but I'm shy... you were stunninggggg.

We've been talking about this for a long time and really, while grilled meat, potato salad and kegs of pee beer are all well and good, maybe this year is the year to change up your Independence Day routine a little bit. Our forefathers would probably understand.

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Like Sorry I Missed Your Party. It's "pictures of other people's parties from Flickr." Now you never have to miss out on other people's fun again... As one astute reader pointed out, this midget stripper looks suspiciously like the midget cheating with the cheating policman's wife in the 10th chapter of R. Kelly's opus "hip-hopera" Trapped in the Closet. Judge for yourself.

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Don't be jealous, Demetri knows how to play the game.

Do this enough times and you are bound to get chewed up in the escalator bowels and spit back out on the first floor of the mall in front of Hot Topic where every teenager in sight will take pictures of your mangled corpse on their cell phone and tweet about it.

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Wow, we can't think of a better way to start off everyday covered in sick from the mouth down. Make it stop! Make it stop!

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We'd much rather pay $10 bucks for a pitcher of beer and a large pizza and watch The Rock-afire Explosion perform Usher tunes than actually go to an Usher concert. Much rather.

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Everybody knows there's some bad blood between Kobe Bryant and his former Lakers teammate, Shaquille O'Neal. Everybody also knows that Shaq is a pretty damn talented rapper?he's got one more hip-hop album than he does championship rings. So, it's no surprise that Shaq used his freestlye battle skills the other day to slam Kobe. Kobe, was that taste of a*s consensual?

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The southern Russian city of Zheleznovodsk has long been known for it's squeaky clean colons. In honor of the regions many spas that offer spring mineral water enemas, the Mashuk-Akva Term spa in Zheleznovodsk recently unveiled a monument honoring the proctological procedure. We especially like those little, cherubic ass angels.

The Organic Batter Blaster is the best thing that ever happened to breakfast except for scrapple. Some mornings when we're really feeling lazy, we just squirt some raw into our mouths on the way out the door. It's cool, it's organic.

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Edible.com is a culinary e-commerce site that specializes in selling edible insectivore delicacies, indigenous produce, and reindeer paté.

Bored with snacking on the same old pretzels? Try the Giant Toasted Leafcutter Ants. Known for their youth-giving and aphrodisiac qualities, these Columbian harvested critters make the perfect substitute for humdrum snack food ennui.

Take note James Cameron, you don't need to spend millions to make a sweet movie. Stan Winston, this is for you...

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What better way to revive a moth-eaten Teddy Ruxpin than to replace his original computer with a programmable DIY Twitter-ready circuit board?! Once all the steps in this fairly complicated instructional video are complete, Teddy will broadcast every Twitter update in his charming robotic Ruxpin brogue.

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Be warned however, this Twittering Teddy is not to be confused with his arch nemesis Grubby, the Plurking Catepillar.

New mothers rejoice, and forget about the obligatory pre-party pump and dump! Finally a product that allows breastfeeding mothers to hit the bottle without making their babies do the same. Milkscreen is a two minute litmus-like test that detects alcohol levels in breast milk. With the goal of prolonging the breastfeeding experience, these handy strips will help mom tie on a responsible, adult, guilt-free drink.

There's more than one way to skin a Siamese cat...

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For just a split second after your exposed gut knocked a half-filled can of Natural Ice onto your grime-encrusted Gateway keyboard while reaching for your freshly-microwaved Swanson Salisbury Steak Hungry Man dinner, the corner of your eye caught the cobalt reflection of your bloated, stubbly, sunburned face on your 17" CRT monitor and you felt like the world's most prodigious loser until a split second later, you remembered seeing this video and realized that at Disney Worlds all over the world, there are people dressing up in Star Wars costumes and dancing to Kenny Loggins hits and you smiled to yourself as you thought, "I feel like a million fu*king dollars."

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The Oklahoma Full Auto Shoot Convention is a family event held every year in Wyandotte, Oklahoma that features exciting competitions such as "Kill the Car," and "Sniper Match." What better way is there for fathers to bond with their daughters than to have them blow up cars with fully automatic machine guns?

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Ain't nobody be likin' bugs in dey mouth!

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Need to blow off a little steam? Look for the closest Passive Aggressive Anger Release Machine. For pocket change you can grind porcelain kitty cats into fine powder and smash baroque-styled figurines into bits. Throwing a plate across the room is probably more satisfying, but this civilized invention by artists Yarisal & Kublitz will surely help you exorcise aggression in a calm and organized fashion.

Now you get to spend the next six months of your life in a wheelchair ruminating on the old Man vs. Man-made paradox.

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When personalizing something from the Walmart bakery, be sure to make your instructions clear.

Hello, Walmart? I'd like to have a cake written on. I'd like it to say "Best Wishes Suzanne," and underneath that "We will miss you."

We've been enamored with Corey Feldman and Corey Haim since 1987's The Lost Boys. Even though they parted ways after License to Drive, we've followed their careers pretty closely. We're still pissed off that Corey F. lost out on a Best Supporting Actor Academy Award in 2002 for his brilliant thespian-ship in Bikini Bandits Experience (watch a clip below); Chris Coooper can go suck an egg.

Anywho, we're pretty freakin' thrilled that both Coreys?Cories??are together again on A&E's The Two Coreys. This is some for-real intense television programming...

The official Bikini Bandits Experience trailer:

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A clip from The Two Coreys:

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As we're writing this it's 105 degrees Fahrenheit outside with the heat index. Guess it's always hot in Hati... happy summertime.

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Clearly the Barenaked Ladies never met this guy, Californian billionaire Henry T. Nicholas III...

If I had a 1,000,000,000 (If I had a 1,000,000,000)

I'd buy you a house with a "secret party lair" ( I would buy you a house with a "secret party lair")

If I had a 1,000,000,000 (If I had a 1,000,000,000)

I'd have a "private drugs warehouse" (maybe to store "cocaine, crystal meth, and ecstasy")

If I had a 1,000,000,000 (If I had a 1,000,000,000)

I'd host me some "orgies" ( a nice time those "orgies")

If I had a 1,000,000,000 You'd divorce me...

When the monsoon season comes to an end, Indian cheerleading squads celebrate the return of dry weather with ebullient trips to the local zoo. It's best described as Thriller meets Showgirls in the Garden of Eden. And it freaks the poop out of every animal there.

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And that's about all there is to it...

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The next time you are ready to go Falling Down on your coworkers at the office, take a deep breathe and live vicariously through this short-circuited cubicle dweller.

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Kittiwat Unarrom is a sculptural artist from Ratchaburi, Thailand who grew up as the son of a baker. His paternally influenced / disturbingly realistic "Body Bakery" sculptural series features dismembered human body parts made entirely of dough, raisins, cashews,and chocolate. Eat your heart out...literally.

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If you still own an 8-track this is a must have for your collection. 1977's Living in these Star Warz thrust the Rebel Force Band into hyperspace and no one ever heard from them again. So long, Han Guitar Solo.

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There's no doubt that I-Doser is the best there is at synchronizing brainwaves to stimulate recreational drug abuse. Guys, we know what you're thinking... this sounds like hogwash. That's exactly what we thought, until we started reading the user testimonials on the I-Doser site. After just finishing 60% of his Peyote dose, Jon felt like his "chair was munching on [him]." Herska says, "Holy shit!" and Nick, who has been smoking meth since age seven, says this is BETTER than meth! Just don't overdose guys.

Even if you aren't going to make it out to see Sex and the City The Movie Part 1, we highly suggest visiting Sarah Jessica Parker Looks Like A Horse. Somebody get her a Cosmo to go with that oat bag.

In the vein of overworked windmills, take a look at what lives inside of cell phones. Radiation is a bitch....

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The Crude Bracelet by New York's Design Glut is the perfect fashion accessory for the petroleum savvy consumer. Playing to the doomsday crowd, this charm bracelet comes engraved with the date it was made and stamped with the current price of a barrel crude oil.

Oil may not be eternal but style certainly is.

And now, the second installment of our continuing series, I Might Be An ESL Kid, But I Know What A Superhero Is. In this clip, Turkish Rambo takes on a whole bunch of Turkish gangsters? A little anecdote: Muammar al-Gaddafi had originally turned down the part of Rambo, but accepted after he was able to push back the bombing of Pan Am Flight 103 a few weeks to make room for filming.

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Bisous, an online purveyor of fine Belgian chocolate, is making a name for itself by selling boxes of its Incredible Edible Anus. That's right, a milk chocolate edible anus made from only the finest raw ingrediants.

If you don't have a sweet tooth for a chocolate anus, Bisous also offers a more permanent version of their sculpted sphincter. For 235 euros, you can buy a limited edition solid silver anus. Either or, both anuses make the perfect gift for any graduating Proctology student.

The online store opens May 26!

After a few Trappist ales, two Belgian men got to thinking about how to develop the perfect interactive video game. With bladders full of beer and alcohol-induced masculine clairvoyance, the two created a gender neutral interactive mobile toilet game called A Place To Pee.

Wow! Removing a brassiere with two sets of opposable thumbs can be a Herculean task. We wouldn't wanna play Jenga with this dude and his dexterity machine!

Vladimir Putin might not be the president of Russia anymore, but it looks like he's still doing everything in his power to silence the opposition. And, Kasparov's bodyguard looks like he's whacked dicks off on stage before. Win-win.

In a home video worthy of When Animals Attack, one tenacious Canada goose proves he's got more heart than Ralph Nader, and one redneck dog proves he's a bigger puss than Garfield.

Swiss pilot Yves Rossy jumped out of an airplane to successfully soar about the Alps with a four engine jet pack. "And all this science, I don't understand!"

Watch out parents, Ringbo is in town and once your three-year-old finds about him, you'll never hear the end of it. This "My First Segway" riding robot is geared at kids aged two to three years old. After a six to eight hour charge, Ringbo is ready to provide youngsters with 60 minutes of fun at a top speed of 2mph. Tricycles are so passé.

He's still the whiny, arrogant bitch he's always been since his days on Inside Edition. Check out this clip to teleprompt your memory...

These guys clearly spend a lot of time putting on their pants. Swish!

Ah, it's that time of year again. Spring is in the air and that free government money, all $152 billion of it, is just pouring out of the proverbial federal money faucet. Score. So what are you planning on doing with your 600 doll hairs? If you need a little inspiration, see how some of your fellow citizens blew their wad at HowISpentMyStimulus.com.

If you had hopes of claiming the ultimate douche bag title this year, you're going to have to step up your game. Twenty three popped collars is the number to beat. Just don't plan on doing any demanding physical activities?like breathing?while you're suited up.

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Time to send Grandma back to Mexico. 'Nuff said.

We're all familiar with Tom Cruise. Hell, we've probably watched Far and Away at least twice. But who is T.C. the man? Is he a mere mortal, or a thetan?that's an immortal spiritual being for all you non-believer non-Scientologists?who posses an incredible amount of poise and grace on the big screen? We might never know. But what we do know right now is that T.C. has been spending his free time building this wonderful website to mark the 25th anniversary of Risky Business, his first starring role. L.Ron bless T.C., L.Ron bless.

Ok, you can cross this dude off of your list of eccentric people you might want to become friends with. Last Saturday officers arrived at Michael Parnell's?a.k.a. Michael Vondueren?to find a butt ton of cats and Parnell's 81 year-old mother inside. They also found three freezers full of dead cats. 300 hundred of them. It's not yet clear what Parnell planned on doing with the cats or how they died but we're banking on Cryonics.

America's deadliest war got a little deadlier this past February. Sam White, a Civil War fanatic, blew himself up while restoring excavated ordinance in his driveway, raising the Civil War's casualty count by +1, and ensuring the war's continued position at the top of the America's deadliest wars leader board.

It's the biggest thing that has ever happened to the small Bavarian town of Oberphaffelbachen...

The New York Supreme Court held session in a parking lot outside of the courthouse on Tuesday in order to accommodate an unusually large defendant. Weighing in at over 500 pounds, a music shop owner accused of selling counterfeit guitars was arraigned from the back of a pickup truck because he couldn't physically get into the courtroom. Bail was set at 1,000 pizzas.

In January of 2007, fisherman off the coast of Antarctica hauled in a barely alive, 1000-pound Colossal Squid. The 25-foot long squid is the largest specimen ever to cross paths with humans, though apparently these suckers can grow to a length of over 45 feet. Since its scientific appropriation at the Te Papa Institute in New Zealand, the beast has been preserved on ice while scientists decide on the best way to thaw the specimen.

After more than a year of trial and error, the squid was defrosted yesterday in a tank of salt water. Scientists determined the squid to be a female and to have the largest known eyes in the animal kingdom. The sizable cephalopod guarantees the Te Papa Museum?where the preserved squid will be on permanent display?a steady stream of grossed-out children and hoards of dumbstruck museum visitors for decades.

Inhabitants of the Greek island Lesbos, known as Lesbians, are taking the Homosexual and Lesbian Community of Greece to court for their use of the term "lesbian." It seems Lesbians are getting sick and tired of being mistaken for lesbians, and they will stop at nothing to stop lesbians from calling themselves lesbian.

Lesbian Dimitris Lambrou, one of the plaintiffs in the Lesbian v. Lesbian case, stated "we have been Lesbians for thousands of years," and expressed his frustration at the fact that his sister "can't say she is a Lesbian." One Lesbian lesbian at a local Lesbian lesbian club was quoted as saying, "this Lesbian v. Lesbian thing has been blown way out of proportion. I just think it's really gay and me and some of the other lesbos here on Lesbos are getting pretty fed up with the whole thing." Ellen DeGeneres could not be reached for comment. At least that's what the Associated Press said.

Or so say the findings of a team of German scientists with their recent paper in the Journal of Agriculture and Food Chemistry. The green, anise-flavored liquor previously thought to be hallucinogenic turns out to simply be a stiff drink. It's back to the drawing tables for Marilyn Manson! His Mansinthe absinthe can't really be as gothically potent as he claims but if you drink enough of it, you might cut your ear off Van Gogh style while listening to his music.

What? What's a trapezoid? What's a rectangle? If you're asking yourself those questions right now, you're not alone. Hundreds of NBA players are also preoccupied with polygons after the International Basketball Federation?that's FIBA?announced it would replace its trademark trapezoidal key with the NBA's rectangular key in 2010.

Back in the late 90s, pop-culture historian Bill Geerhart decided to write letters to a whole slew of famous and infamous people posing as a ten-year-old boy named Billy. Some of the responses are downright hilarious. Incarcerated rapist/serial killer Richard Ramirez wants Billy to "send some girls in bikinis," while Larry Flynt tells Billy he will indeed have to wait until he is 18 until he can get a subscription to Hustler. Other favorites include Charles Manson, the Unabomber, Dick Cheney, and Clarence Thomas.

When your friend at the gym starts to do sh*t like this, you should probably stage an intervention. Oh yeah!

No everyone, Air Force Two is NOT the sequel to Air Force One. It also doesn't have an escape pod hidden inside of its belly (pretty much everyone likes Harrison Ford more than Dick Cheney). Anyway, recently some yocal news media persons were told by the Air Force that standing so close to Air Force Two during takeoff was a bad idea... what the heck does the Air Force know about planes anyway?

Boys, if you're heading to Congo's capital city anytime soon, make sure you leave your boy parts someplace safe until you return. Penis theft and shrinkage is on the rise in Kinshasa, and there's no guarantee that your most private of organs will make it back to penis-friendly territory unscathed, or even worse, at all. Our advice to those guys that are worried about getting their junk yanked while visiting the Congo, turn the boat around. As one famous white boy once said, "The horror! The horror!"

A cool concept clock from Dutch designer Christiaan Postma. This Christiaan character mounted about 150 individual clocks onto a 4.5-foot-square panel in such a manner that the seemingly randomly arranged hour and minute hands spell out the appropriate hour at a given time. Wow. Pretty cool Christiaan! Hope you didn't spend all of your time working on this.

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Placenta 10000, the zero-calorie, peach-tasting, jelly beverage manufactured by Japanese company Nihon-Sofuken, is said to regenerate one's appearance and boost energy. The only hang-up consumers may have is that they must drink the uterine lining of a pig to experience any rejuvenating benefits. If you prefer health drinks to taste more medicinal than peachy, the concentrated Placenta 400,000 extract might be more appropriate. Concentrated pig placenta...wow...bottoms up!

It's possible that pickup truck drivers in the fair state of Florida may no longer be able to display bull genitalia reproductions on their trucks anymore. On Thursday, the Florida Senate passed an amendment to impose a $60 fine on vehicle operators displaying a pair of Truck Nutz on their ride. The bill still has to be passed into law, but pickup truck owners with balls across Florida are worried they might soon have to cover their gonads in public. Aw nutz!

You don't have to tell us. We know somethings have been missing from our morning bowls of cereal for the last twenty some years. It's the same thing every morning: where are all the jeans and the skateboards and sh*t? Well, no longer. Kellogg's is collaborating with street fashion GODS runts Under The Hood to create a whole line of gear that will keep you lookin' as cool as a cardboard box! Make sure to check out UTH's MeSpace page and remember, like Under the Hoods' milk jug says, "PLAY HARD OR GO HOME!"

Oh soft baby goat, precocious and full of wonderment, there is still much about the ways of the mountain you have yet to learn.

Internet meet Tricia Walsh-Smith, current wife of Broadway mogul Philip Smith. This crazy beach is in the middle of a nasty divorce and she is not going to take Philip's crap lying down. Making a YouTube video always seems like a great idea after a fifth of Belvedere and a fistful of Xanies. "What about the con-domes Philip? What about the con-domes?"

Nederlander Jonas Samson is pretty much guaranteed a job at some high end design firm after he finishes the final year of his post-graduate degree. Talk about a thesis project, Samson created light-emitting wallpaper! His custom-designed innovation can be installed and switched on in any house for a mere starting price of 6,000 euros. Interior-design whores, form an orderly line.

Spring break '08 was insane! While everyone else was getting tanked and fornicating with the nearest animate object, we spent nine glorious days in an abandoned parking garage with 400 empty wine bottles, an RC car, and a case of Full Throttle my mom sent. You don't even know how hard it is to drive that little car so straight. I don't know how we are going to top this next year.